All Quiet on the Freedom Front

Even Alabamians surrender their freedoms willingly.  The state Republican government is succumbing to the temptation of do-gooder-ism, and is working on a statewide texting ban.  Because as we all know, we simply can’t survive on a daily basis without our state government coming to the rescue.

In an effort to regain power at the state level, Democrats will introduce their sure-to-impress 2014 Handshake with the Gullible.  All potential dastardly driver deeds will be banned to correct the severe lack of compassion shown by evil Republicans in the prior government:  sneezing, changing the radio station, checking the speedometer for any reason, telling jokes behind the wheel, laughing at passengers’ jokes, singing to “just the steering wheel”, clipping fingernails, applying makeup, sucking down Big Macs, flirting with drivers in other cars, flirting with passengers in other cars, hearing the phone ring, or honking for any reason.  All of these cause distraction, and distraction kills.  We’ll never get another Nickelback, but hey, sacrifices must be made.

Rep. Bleeding Heart Benny (D, Eva) is drafting an even stronger version of the bill which will outlaw dying behind the wheel.  Because dying kills.

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